As the loving lifetime owner of horses, I am this evening pondering the existence and loyal following of that strange, long-eared illegitimate cousin of equus callabus, the mule.
Here in River City, mules truly have an enthusiastic fan club. Our Salmon Select Horse Sale is kicked off by the much-celebrated Mule Sale, prices rivalling those of the better saddle- horses. Local mules dot the pastures here and there, happily growing fat and sassy. They presumably do their part at some point in the year to pack people, supplies, and game in and out of the wilderness, though some seem to spend a lot of time smoking cigarettes and playing hackey-sack on the back forty. The Back Country Horsemen have a number of folks who favor Mr. Long Ears, extolling the virtues of these creatures as though they were family members, trimming strange patterns into their tails according to the animal’s merits.
Here is what I know about mules, admittedly limited:
1.) Mules have a reputation for being stubborn, or “mule-headed”. This is completely founded in fact. Witness: mules are often fitted with amazingly creative bit and bridle arrangements, long shanks, bicycle chains, you name it. The familiar chain-under-the halter feature encourages forward motion, along with the pretty much mandatory spurs. Mules are put together oddly, requiring a complex system of britchin’ and cruppers to hold the saddle in place over his skinny withers and shoulders. Any self-respecting horse would be mortified. My Jasper cannot stop staring at these strange creatures on a trail ride with them, even as my son as a child stared at circus performers.
2.) Here are the claims to fame: “They are so smooth-riding”. “They are smart.” “They are sensible.” Mule owners adore these beasts, and will defend them against all detractors. It is a fact that on every ride I have been on where someone’s critter misbehaved, refused to load or unload, kicked a fellow animal, balked or pulled back, broke something valuable, bucked off a packsaddle, ran away, or otherwise caused consternation and colorful language, guess what kind of animal it was? Right.
3.) Mules are not natural. Horses, (equus callabus) and donkeys, (equus asinus) are related but refuse to cohabit in the wild, sort of like the Hatfields and McCoys. Some say the mule is the offspring of a horse and a donkey, but that’s only the half of it. Saddle, pack, and work-mules come from a mare (female horse) and a Mammoth Jack, which is the biggest, shaggiest, gnarliest-looking donkey you ever saw. Mammoth Jack people are even more bizarre than mule people. Matings must be coerced under questionable circumstances. Let’s not even go there. Factoid: the reverse of a mule (mare x jack donkey) is called a hinny (Stallion x jenny donkey). A male mule is a “John”. A female mule is a “Molly”. Jack and Jenny, John and Molly, just one big happy family. With people names.
4.) Mule owners love thier charges. They are known for naming the critters creatively- it is fun to name a mule. “Sasquatch”, “Damn that Rastus” , “Clementine”, “Hillary” (NOT politically correct), are just some of the names I have heard. My good friend Celeste has a mule named “Professor Marvel” (this breeder names his mules after Wizard of Oz characters). I have ridden him, and he is indeed sure-footed, smooth-gaited, and fairly agreeable when he feels like it. He dances around when one is mounting, bucks on the way home, and runs over you when getting into the trailer, and goes berserk if tied away from his friends, but who’s criticizing? I could not figure out what to do with the ears the first time I bridled him, but “just stuff ‘em in!” was Celeste’s advice. He has gotten me home safely from some perilous mountain rides, I must admit. They use mules in the Grand Canyon, I am told.
5.) A “good” mule is as valuable as a good horse. It has great endurance and stamina, presumably due to the hybrid vigor. A naughty mule is hard to rehabilitate, requiring much patience and fortitude. Professional mule trainers are about as rare as hen’s teeth and are even stranger than Mammoth Jack people. There are mules for many purposes- racing mules, mini-mules, jumping mules, coon hunting mules, pack mules, and harness mules. All are funny-looking. They are not generally used for children’s mounts. They do not compete in dressage, steeplechase, working cow horse, or reining events as far as I know. They occasionally come in cool colors, like paint, buckskin, and appaloosa, but mostly not.
This ends my dissertation on mules. I am still trying to wrap my mind around why anybody would want one, with my mule- owning friends swearing loyalty forever. I question their judgement, but the entertainment value is good, if nothing else. Have you ever heard a mule braying? Odd. Spooky. Thank goodness they can’t reproduce on their own, is all I can honestly say…
